Funny Mother Humor, not written by me

Why I Owe My Mother .... 
> 
> ************************************** 
> 
> 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . 
> 
> "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished 
> cleaning." >  
> 
> 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . 
> 
> "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." >  
> 
> 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . 
> 
> "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next 
> week!" >  
> 
> 4. My mother taught me LOGIC . 

> 
> "Because I said so, that's why." >  
> 
> 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 
> 
> "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the 
> store with> me." > >  
> 
> 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT . > 
> "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." >  
> 
> 7. My mother taught me IRONY .> 
> "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." >  
> 
> 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . 
> 
> "Shut your mouth and eat your supper.">  
> 
> 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM . 
> 
> "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" >  
> 
> 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA ... 
> 
> "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.">  
> 
> 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER . 
> 
> "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." >  
> 
> 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY . 
> 
> "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" >  
> 
> 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . 
> 
> "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.." >  
> 
> 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . 
> 
> "Stop acting like your father!" >  
> 
> 15. My mother taught me about ENVY .  
> "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have 
> wonderful parents like you do." >  
> 
> 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
> 
> "Just wait until we get home.">  
> 
> 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .. 
> 
> "You are going to get it when you get home!">  
> 
> 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE . 
> 
> "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that 
> way." >  
> 
> 19. My mother taught me ESP . 
> 
> "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?">  
> 
> 20. My mother taught me HUMOR . 
> 
> "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." >  
> 
> 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . 
> 
> "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." >  
> 
> 22. My mother taught me GENETICS . 
> 
> "You're just like your father." >  
> 
> 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS . 
> 
> "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?">  
> 
> 24. My mother taught me WISDOM . 
> 
> "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." >  
> 
> And my favorite: 
> 
> 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE . 
> 
> "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!">  
> 
> My personal all time favorite!! >  
> 
> My mother taught me about CHOICE . 
> 
> "Do you want me to stop this car?" 
>